Goldilocks and the Four Heads of Houses
by DailyProphetEditor
Summary: This is a plain silly humour fic about the events of Valentine's Day in CoS. Lockhart makes a pass on Snape, who would rather face the basilisk instead. Minerva has a word or two to say about it. A little slashy, a hint of MMSS, and a lot of pink confetti
1. Severus Snape

**Goldilocks and the Four Heads of House**

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_A/N:_

_Folks, this is just a plain silly humour fic. Actually it started out as a spin-off from the third part of the Wisdom and War Trilogy, because there is a tiny little scene where Minerva mentions that Gilderoy Lockhart was interested in Snape._

_But then I thought, what if he was not only interested, but actually made his move…and what would the other teachers say or do about that on this lovely Valentine's Day 1992… let's just hear their opinions, shall we?_

_So here we go, a totally silly, a little out-of-character fic, a little slashy, a little bit of Severus/Minerva, but actually this __could__ be a missing moment from CoS…_

_You have been warned. Have fun._

_Cheers, Frank_

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**First Chapter – Severus Snape**

Severus Snape closed the library door behind him and, seeing that he was alone, allowed himself a small sigh of relief. Personally he was certain that this 14 February 1992 was one of the worst days in Hogwarts history, in all thousand years of it.

Just what _had_ the Headmaster been thinking when he had allowed that git Lockhart to arrange his 'little morale-booster' – actually, what had the Headmaster been thinking when he had hired Goldilocks in the first place?

Not for the first time Severus had suggested _not_ hiring a Defence Against the Dart Arts teacher at all, but letting the other teachers just share the job instead. Possibly that would even break the jinx. But no, the Headmaster had insisted that they needed someone for the job, that all his teachers were too valuable to him to lose any one of them, and now they were stuck with Lockhart. Even Trelawney could have taught the students more about proper defensive magic. Sybill's incense was strong enough to scare any dark creature off.

Severus put the books he had been carrying on the nearest table along with his wand. He would return the books to their shelves in a minute, but first he needed a quite moment to sit down. Finally alone, without dwarfs dressed as cupids and blushing school girls all around…

Severus let himself drop into one of the chairs and put his feet up on another. Thank Merlin that day was over now. It was past nine o'clock, the students were supposed to be in bed or at least in their common rooms, and most staff members were so irritated with the day's silliness that they were certain to prefer an evening alone instead of chatting in the staff room. He was free to pick a couple of new books for some light evening reading, and retreat into his beloved, cool, dark dungeons.

Getting up from his chair, Severus noticed that he had trailed some of the ubiquitous confetti into the library. Eew.

_Pink, heart-shaped_ confetti, that perfectly matched the vivid pink flowers Lockhart had decorated the castle with. Pink confetti, that had apparently caught in the folds of his billowing black robes.

No wonder that Peeves had blatantly grinned at him. Severus shuddered with disgust and took his outer robes off. Irma Pince would skin him alive if he dusted the whole library with the paper shreds, and privately Severus even agreed with her. A library was a sacred place.

He headed towards the book shelves in the back in search for a volume that would help to take this blasted romantic holiday of his mind. Maybe _Moste Potente Poisons_, an all-time favourite. Or _Medieval Hexes – A Compendium of the Inquisitorial Jinxes, complete with accurate engravings_? Ah, the Middle Ages… in those times, even wizards would have thrown someone like Goldilocks Lockhart on the pyre…

Severus shook his head again. This Lockhart character got more and more annoying with every day. The way he had this morning constantly beamed at the other teachers, especially the Heads of Houses… it was just plain revolting. Minerva had almost choked on her tea when that queer clown had suggested that his 'colleagues will want to enter into the spirit of the occasion!'

Severus had done his best not to look at Lockhart. He knew that if he had, he would probably have hexed Lockhart along with the 'friendly, card-carrying cupids' into the Forbidden Forest. The man had had the nerve to suggest Severus ought to teach his students about Love Potions.

And that Ravenclaw sixth-year girl had actually dared to ask about it in class, with all her friends giggling around her. Well, they deserved their detention. Severus had been very pleased to schedule it on the exact day of the next Ravenclaw Quidditch match.

Come to think of it, it probably had been a _very_ good idea not to look at Lockhart this morning. He generally avoided eye contact with the man ever since he had noticed _that_ kind of stare coming from Prince Charming once in a while. Best not to return his looks, save the man would believe he was… interested.

It just was not fair. He had tried pointing out that old Professor Kettleburn might actually not be disinclined to get to know Lockhart more personally, but of course Lockhart was not interested in an ancient teacher with one hand missing. No, Lockhart was sure to go for the youngest member of staff, with that certain ex-Death Eater glamour.

Severus entered the narrow Restricted Section of the library, certain he would there find something to match his mood. Someone opened and closed the door to the library – Minerva, most likely. She and Pomona had at lunch discussed a scientific journal Minerva had borrowed from the library and intended to return in the evening.

"Minerva?" he called, but received no answer.

Maybe she had not heard him. Severus shrugged and continued browsing the bookshelves.

"Thought I'd find you here," a gentle voice purred. A gentle, _male_ voice.

Severus spun around and saw Lockhart standing at the end of the shelf rows, smiling playfully. Oh, great. Now he was trapped between two book shelves, the wall and – Gilderoy Lockhart, wearing a new set of shiny pink robes and smelling of some musky aftershave.

"What are you doing here?" Severus asked, trying to sound as hostile as possible. Not a very hard task.

"I just told you," Lockhart replied. "I was looking for you."

"What for?"

Please, just go away. Go away, I am sure there somewhere there is some first-year waiting for you with a camera in his hand, hoping you will sign the picture with that _peacock_ quill…

"I think you know that," Lockhart purred on.

Or autographs? Maybe some of the school girls would like some more autographs? They are students, and students are never where they ought to be, certainly some are still out of bed, searching the castle for you…

"I don't, and I don't want to know," Severus hissed. "Would you leave me alone, I have some work to get done tonight."

"Tonight? But you should not work tonight, not on such a _special_ day…"

"I cannot see why not. And I fail to understand why that would be any of your business."

Goldilocks came closer. That nickname did fit him so well; Pomona once in a while came up with really witty remarks. Had Lockhart washed his hair again? Those curls looked fresh off the hair rollers.

"Do you like my hair?" Lockhart beamed, following Severus's stare.

He lifted one hand with a deliberately slow movement and brushed his blond waves out of his face; obviously a gesture he had practised in front of the mirror. Severus chose not to answer that remark.

"I like your hair, too – although you could really take better care of it. But this raven-black colour is intriguing, with you black eyes and that pale face. Especially when you are standing in the shadows like that…"

Lockhart had sauntered even closer while speaking; he was now barely three feet away. Much too close for Severus's liking. He retreated one step and felt something hard and cold against his back. Damn, the wall.

"Lockhart, I don't know what you are playing at, but I can assure you I do not care the least bit what you think of my hair. Now, if you'd excuse me –"

He tried to stride past Lockhart, but the other man blocked quickly blocked his way. For a moment, they stood chest to chest, then Severus retreated again. He would rather face Slytherin's monster than come too close to that man.

"I won't let you get away that easily," Lockhart whispered.

Merlin, had he just winked at him? This was it. Severus reached into his pocket for his wand –

– which was, of course, on the table along with his other belongings. Damn. Damn, damn, _damn_. Severus was quite good at wandless magic, but this distance was too far. No however frantic 'accio wand' would do the trick here.

"Get out of my way, Lockhart. _Now_."

Severus knew his voice sounded threatening. Any sane being would get out of his way. He was a former Death Eater, after all, and might just forget about that _former_ any second now.

"Call me Gilderoy."

"What?! For the last time, get out of my –"

"Gilderoy. It has such a glamorous ring to it. Of course, I like my family name, too, but Gilderoy… I wish you would speak my name in that wonderful voice of yours."

"I will do no such thing."

"But I want you to… Severus."

Now Goldilocks actually lifted his right hand, ever so slowly, with another stage-perfectly studied movement, and touched Severus's face. His fingers slowly traced Severus's jaw line.

Severus's hand shot up and caught Lockhart's wrist. His grip was so strong that he knew it to be painful, and he forced the other man's hand away. Alright, time for brutal honesty.

"Lockhart, I am only going to say this once. I am not interested in you. You are annoying and pathetic, and if you touch me one more time you will suffer my displeasure for sure."

"Such passion…" Lockhart replied, for some reason still looking happy. "I knew you would not be easy to get, Severus, but the signals you sent me were all too obvious."

"I did not send you any signals. You only see what you want to see."

"Ah, I don't believe that. There was so much passion when you duelled me, that spell was so much more _intense_ than needed. There were literally sparks in the air. And the way you kept avoiding my eye, especially this morning… so obvious, Severus."

"Lockhart, I am not interested in men."

"Then how would you have knows about old man Kettleburn's preferences? He is very quiet about it, I would never have known."

"_Every_ staff member knows that, as well as half the students."

Lockhart looked at Severus quietly, and for a moment Severus thought he could finally get away without having to resort to brutal force. But then Lockhart smiled again, this revolting, mirror-perfected, postcard picture patented smile that fooled so many of the school girls… Merlin, if they only knew.

"For a moment, you had almost convinced me. Almost, Severus. But then, how could I ever be wrong?"

"You are disgusting."

"Let me show you what 'Magical Me' is all about…" Lockhart whispered hoarsely.

Then, with a surprisingly quick movement, he pushed Severus back, pinning him against the wall with his whole body. Severus gasped for air, the hard contact with the wall had knocked the air out of his lungs. Lockhart pushed his hips forward for one second and moaned – it was not hard to guess why.

Severus struggled to place his hands on the other wizard's shoulders, wanting to push Lockhart away – preferably into the next bookshelf, which would then hopefully collapse over the man and kill him off. But Lockhart moved again. He raised his face up to Severus's, opening his mouth slightly and licking his lips meaningfully. His mouth came closer…


	2. Gilderoy Lockhart

**Second Chapter**** – Gilderoy Lockhart**

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"I won't let you get away that easily," Gilderoy whispered.

Then he carefully winked at Severus standing in front of him. Winked by fluttering his eyelashes over his perfect, forget-me-not-blue eyes – oh, was well aware just what a dazzling effect that created.

Gilderoy knew from experience that this line (spoken in a most seductive voice), in combination with that movement (long, blonde lashes!), _never_ failed – he saw Severus look at his eyes and smiled.

"Get out of my way, Lockhart. _Now_."

Ah, and that cold, hissing voice. Gilderoy was addicted to it. Nothing Severus could have said or done could have turned him on more. It was time for the next move.

"Call me Gilderoy."

"What?! For the last time, get out of my –"

Yes, he had succeeded in confusing Severus. That 'what' had sounded genuinely surprised. Gilderoy knew how to seduce a man. You had to offer a little bit, unexpectedly, and emphasize the outcome with a well-chosen compliment.

"Gilderoy. It has such a glamorous ring to it. Of course, I like my family name, too, but Gilderoy… I wish you would speak my name in that wonderful voice of yours."

He really wished for it. Severus's voice _was_ wonderful, not only the way he spoke cold and dismissively most of the time, but also that rich drawl he employed when mocking someone.

Gilderoy had heard it quite often when Severus had quarrelled with the Deputy Headmistress about Quidditch. Not that Gilderoy himself cared about that sport (really, what was the point of flying around like mad and getting your hair all messed up) but it was endearing to see how Severus displayed passion in these arguments.

"I will do no such thing."

"But I want you to… Severus."

Oh yes, the man was putting up quite a good fight. But Gilderoy had expected that, hadn't he, in fact he had wished for it. Severus was a man you needed to _conquer_.

He lifted his right hand and carefully traced Severus Snape's jaw line, once more thankful for that superb hand balm he had found in that small-town apothecary in Switzerland. The first meaningful touch was so important. And Severus reacted beautifully. He snatched Gilderoy's hand immediately and forced him away, so passionately, and what was best, with out letting go right away.

"Lockhart, I am only going to say this once. I am not interested in you. You are annoying and pathetic, and if you touch me one more time you will suffer my displeasure for sure."

"Such passion…" Gilderoy was delighted. Severus's pale face looked a little flushed by now.

"I knew you would not be easy to get, Severus, but the signals you sent me were all too obvious."

"I did not send you any signals. You only see what you want to see."

No signals – as if. Gilderoy smiled. He knew better.

At first, he had thought Severus disliked him because he had wanted the Defence Against the Dark Arts position, everyone in the school knew that. Well, not _disliked_ him, no one disliked Gilderoy Lockhart, right? But maybe Severus had been a little jealous.

But soon he had realised there was more to the matter. Severus had _pretended_ to dislike Gilderoy because he liked Gilderoy a little too much. It was obvious enough now.

Initially, Gilderoy had only noticed that Severus apparently had no partner – that already was sufficiently unusual. The youngest member of the staff, and quite handsome, too, although he needed some advice about his hair and clothes... but with his truly fascinating past, this man should have no problems finding a woman. The Potions Master was the epitome of sinister allure.

Gilderoy had then suspected that Severus might have a _very_ quiet affair with someone; maybe that girl from the 'Three Broomsticks', what was her name again, Roberta? She had greeted Severus friendlier than most people in Hogsmeade. But Severus never showed any sign of interest in the witch.

Next, Gilderoy had suspected an affair with one of the other teachers – that Vector girl was rather good-looking, and smart, but she hardly ever spoke to Severus. Gilderoy's last guess had actually been the Deputy Headmistress, who was very much like Severus in a way. Both of them were stern, strict, fanatical about Quidditch, and they even looked a bit alike with her being tall and dark-haired like Severus.

But despite the fact that the two teachers spent more time together than Heads of rivalling Houses should – actually Minerva was the only teacher Severus ever was friendly to – Gilderoy ruled the possibility of an affair out when he learned Minerva's age. Although she did not look like it, she was seventy-something years old – definitely too old for this gorgeous dark young wizard.

So the only logical conclusion had been that Severus was not interested in women at all. And then, when Gilderoy had started looking for clues, he had soon observed the signals. Severus most certainly liked men. And he most certainly liked Gilderoy – after all, who wouldn't?

It was only natural that Severus had always fled from Gilderoy's presence.

Obviously he would think that an internationally famous wizard like Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defence League and five times winner of _Witch Weekly's_ Most-Charming-Smile Award, would not be interested in a former Death Eater.

How wrong he was. Gilderoy wanted that former Death Eater, wanted him very much indeed. This morning he had dropped him an extra hint – he had sent one of cupids to Severus, not with a card, but with an envelope containing a mass of the pink heart confetti, some with the letters 'S' and 'G' on them. But that had just been a playful little prelude to the grand finale Gilderoy had planned for this night.

Of course, Gilderoy had heard the churlish dim-witted dwarfs… nay, the friendly card-carrying cupids complain that they did not dare to enter the dungeons, not on a day when the Potions Master was in such a foul mood. But they had only been moaning because of all the extra work on that day. Severus had received his message for sure.

"Ah, I don't believe that. There was so much passion when you duelled me, that spell was so much more _intense_ than needed. There were literally sparks in the air. And the way you kept avoiding my eye, especially this morning… so obvious, Severus."

Really, deliberately avoiding eye contact on _Valentine's Day_. It was just endearing how Severus had tried to distract himself.

Gilderoy knew that he had looked magnificent in his pink robes that matched the flower decorations (he had worked for hours until they had eventually displayed just the right shade of cherry pink) and brought out the unusual light blue of his eyes.

"Lockhart, I am not interested in men."

The famous line. It was part of the ritual.

Every man said that, even Gilderoy himself had used it once in while. It meant nothing but 'please, convince me, show me what it is like' – but Gilderoy was not in the mood for role-playing tonight. He would stand his ground and make Severus admit he wanted him.

"Then how would you have known about old man Kettleburn's preferences? He is very quiet about it, I would never have known."

"_Every_ staff member knows that, as well as half the students."

That answer was not part of the ritual.

Gilderoy was confused for a moment. He had taken Severus's hint about Kettleburn as a serious signal – Severus had admitted that he knew and cared about the secrets of manly love. But possibly, if all the staff knew and this was no secret here at Hogwarts, Severus had only tried to act as a match-maker for the old teacher?

But no, of course not. Gilderoy looked at Severus's face again and _knew_ he could not be mistaken. These black eyes, burning with a fire Severus tried to conceal. And that mouth; thin but so sensual. And then of course the nose… big, but you know what they say about men with big noses… the thought alone made Gilderoy grin happily.

"For a moment, you had almost convinced me. Almost, Severus. But then, how could I ever be wrong?"

"You are disgusting."

Gilderoy did not listen to what Severus was saying. All he cared about was the voice; this cold and yet poignant drawl. It was time for the next step in the dance. Show him what he can have.

"Let me show you what 'Magical Me' is all about…" Gilderoy whispered.

He swiftly stepped forward and crushed Severus against the wall with his body, allowing the other man to feel for one brief moment how aroused he already was. They were almost equal in height. Gilderoy buried his face at Severus's neck just for one second, so that Severus would catch the scent of his aftershave – a musky, but light note Gilderoy had produced exclusively for himself.

Then it was time. He felt Severus tensing, felt the other wizard's hands on his shoulders, and looked up. Their lips were only one inch apart. Gilderoy knew Severus was no submissive man. He would want to make the final move, so Gilderoy only opened his mouth slightly and waited for The Kiss.

And waited.

Oh, just to think how dashing they must look together, this pale, dark man in his black teacher's coat (Gilderoy had been simply delighted to notice that Severus had already taken his outer robes off!), and Gilderoy's golden curls and pink robes as a beautiful contrast. He almost wished someone could take a photograph of them; a document of this moment of highest passion.

He had his eyes closed and felt Severus's breath on his lips. This was it, now Severus would kiss him…

Instead, he felt two strong hands push him away. Gilderoy opened his eyes in the very last moment and steadied himself on the next bookshelf. He had almost fallen backwards on the ground.

Severus still stood against the wall, panting hard.

"That was uncalled for," Gilderoy said, trying to straighten out his robes.

What a shame, he had stepped on the hem of his robes and now there was a little tear close to the seam. Nothing the house-elves could not fix, but still…

"Think so?" Severus said menacingly.

"Yes, you almost knocked me over… I could have fallen flat on my back, totally helpless."

Really, just to think what might have happened. You could easily hurt your spine when falling like that, or sprain your wrist if you tried to catch the fall. Just to think that he could be here on the floor, almost unconscious, with no one around for the rest of the night…

… except for Severus, obviously.

"That was what I was hoping for," Severus said acidly. He almost looked disappointed.

And then it dawned on Gilderoy. Of course, he had known Severus was a dominant man. He _wanted_ Gilderoy down on the floor. Behind this cold, sneering façade was a fiercely passionate man. Had Gilderoy fallen, he would certainly have pulled Severus with him – and then they would already be here on the floor, getting ready to do the beast with two backs.

"Oh," he said.

"Oh?" Severus repeated contemptuously.

That voice. The man had no idea how he tortured Gilderoy with that voice.

"Yes," Gilderoy said. "I am sorry. I did not mean to whine about falling, so sorry for breaking the mood. But I think I can make up for that…"

He moved closer to Severus again, who seemed utterly perplexed.

"After all, I knew you'd be passionate… I had hoped for that, in fact… Severus."

"I have told you we are not on first-name terms," Severus hissed. "Now stop blocking my way."

"No," Gilderoy said. "No, I won't. Look, now I have understood how you want to play this game. Why don't we start over again?"

He knew he had to be quick. Severus did not react to slow, seductive moves. Gilderoy darted forward, but this time he grabbed the front of Severus's dark coat and pulled him closer. Without hesitating, he kissed him hard on the mouth.


	3. Minerva McGonagall

**Third Chapter – Minerva McGonagall**

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Thank Merlin this awful day was over. Almost half past nine o'clock, and the students were off to their House rooms.

Minerva McGonagall had made one last round through the hallways and sent four couples of snogging students off to their common rooms – making it very clear that she expected them to behave well there, and that she _would know_ if they didn't. Honestly, that one Slytherin girl was only twelve years old. Students these days did just not know about proper behaviour.

But the day was over, and Minerva met Pomona Sprout in the Entrance Hall where the Hufflepuff Head of House regarded the lurid pink flower decorations with obvious loathing. Minerva suppressed a smile. She thought the colour repulsive – really the whole decorations were a sure winner in the all-time-bad-taste-competition – but she knew that Pomona was annoyed mostly with the fact that these were not even displays of actual flowers. Pomona was not fussy about many things, but she would correct any mistake you made concerning plant biology or Herbology.

Thinking of Herbology… Minerva had promised to return that copy of the _Old England Journal of Wizard Science_ to the library. There was a truly fascinating article about a study two American researchers had conducted. Of course it was all still very experimental and had only worked under laboratory conditions, but they had succeeded in transfiguring plant seeds into seeds of a different plant species, which then had actually germinated – something formerly unheard of.

"Pomona?" she called. "I am going to go upstairs to the library and return the _Journal_. Do you want to come along and check it out?"

"Sure," Pomona returned good-naturedly. "You know, Minerva, you could just _give_ it to me and spare us both walking up the stairs. I am positive that for once, Irma would not mind if I read a paper that is checked out under your name…"

"_I _did not make the rules," Minerva replied pointedly.

Honestly, how could the teachers be role models for students if they broke rules themselves? And she as the Deputy Headmistress really had to stick to them. Pomona grinned, but fell in step with Minerva.

"You know, you _did_ break two school rules last year… major ones, if I recall correctly," Pomona remarked when they entered the library.

Minerva rolled her eyes. She knew that she ought not to have done that, now she would never hear the end of it. But Harry was _such_ a talented flyer, and Gryffindor had been so badly in need for a Seeker… in that case an exception to the no-first-years-on-teams-rule had been justified.

And naturally the boy had needed his own broom, poor orphan that he was, he had deserved that meaningless little gift from his Head of House. But Pomona would never understand. All she cared about was chlorophyll and fertiliser.

"That was absolutely justified," Minerva retorted hotly. "Absolutely. Pomona, it was about _Quidditch_. Even Severus understood that. I talked to Dumbledore and he –"

Minerva did not get to finish the sentence. She had just closed the library door behind them when all of a sudden Pomona grabbed her arm and pulled her behind the next book-shelf.

"What the –"

"Shhhh!" Pomona whispered urgently.

She pulled Minerva down on the floor with her, so that both witches now were on all fours, completely hidden behind the book-shelf.

"Look," the Hufflepuff whispered, giggling at the same time.

Minerva looked through the gap between the books on one board and the next board above. She could hardly believe her eyes. Back in the Restricted Section of the library stood Severus Snape and Gilderoy Lockhart, closer to each other than she had ever seen them before.

"You are disgusting," Severus hissed angrily.

"Let me show you what 'Magical Me' is all about…" Lockhart replied, sounding slightly feverish.

Minerva felt a grin spread on her face. Pomona next to her bit into her hand to stop herself from laughing out loud.

"I cnt be-lif wit…" she muttered trough clenched teeth and hand.

"So that is what this Valentine's Day was all about," Minerva said in a low voice.

Lockhart suddenly jumped forward and embraced Severus, crushing the younger man against the wall. Minerva needed all her self-control not to burst out laughing when she saw the expression on Severus's face. Then Lockhart raised his face up to Severus's and tried to kiss the other man.

Pomona made a kind of 'mmmmmpphhhhff' sound while Severus pushed Lockhart away. The pink-clad wizard crashed into the next book-shelf, but steadied himself and looked at Severus incredulously.

The two hidden witches exchanged a look while Lockhart started moaning and whining about this 'uncalled for' treatment. There were tears of mirth on Pomona's face. She had taken her hand out of her mouth; Minerva saw a deep bite mark there.

"He tried to kiss him," she giggled. "I can't believe it, Goldilocks tried to kiss Severus…"

Minerva could not help it, she chuckled as well. Lockhart was still complaining, while Severus radiated waves of hatred. He still stood in the back of the Restricted Section, blocked by Lockhart.

"Why doesn't he get away, though?" Pomona suddenly said.

"Lockhart still is standing in his way… I suppose he does not want to touch him again."

"I _was_ under the impression that Severus is a wizard, and a very short-tempered one at that. Why doesn't he just blast Goldilocks away?"

Minerva shrugged, but then she saw Severus's black robes and his belongings on a table nearby.

"His wand…" she whispered, pointing to the table. "He's not carrying his wand."

"You mean he's helpless? Oooh, this is so funny," Pomona sniggered.

Lockhart had in the meantime regained some of his composure. He looked at Severus with the expression of one who has just understood something important.

"Oh," he said.

"Oh?" Severus repeated, mocking the other man.

Lockhart shuddered with delight. Yes, Minerva saw his point. Severus had a strangely attractive voice, although he himself seemed oblivious of that fact.

"Think we should help him?" Pomona now whispered. "Before he loses his temper and they really start fighting?"

"What, do you think Goldil-, I mean Lockhart, will try again?"

"Yes," Lockhart crooned. "I am sorry. I did not mean to whine about falling, so sorry for breaking the mood. But I think I can make up for that…"

He straightened up and re-arranged his robes before moving in on Severus again.

"After all, I knew you'd be passionate… I had hoped for that, in fact… Severus."

"Obviously, yes," Pomona said matter-of-factly. "Like, would you not try to kiss Severus if you ever had the chance?"

"Pomona! I would not dream of that, he's forty years younger than I am… and about thirty years younger than you are, by the way."

"That's not the point. I just meant _hypothetically_, if there ever was an occasion. _I _would, but if you want to be boring again..."

Lockhart was once more batting his eyelashes at Severus, who looked livid with anger now – and, as Minerva observed, slightly panicky.

"I have told you we are not on first-name terms," Severus snarled. "Now stop blocking my way."

Maybe they should help him? This whole scene was funny, but if Lockhart did one more stupid thing it might end up in a serious fight, even if Severus had no wand and Lockhart hardly knew how to use his one.

"No," Lockhart said. "No, I won't. Look, now I have understood how you want to play this game. Why don't we start over again?"

Severus stared at Lockhart, as though trying to keep the other man at bay with vindictive glances. Lockhart smiled, still a little uneasy, but altogether more confident than he ought to be allowed.

"What if we did help him?"

"Then Severus would owe us a favour, which is always a good thing," Pomona said.

She had narrowed her eyes and watched the two men with a quizzical expression.

"But I wonder what we could do," she went on. "If we only interrupt them, Goldilocks will just try again at another time, he'd never admit he was wrong. And then Severus would have his wand on him…"

Right, Minerva thought. If Goldilocks Lockhart (really, that nickname was perfect, although she'd never use it) approached Severus again, and Severus was armed this time – nasty things would happen. The kind of nasty things a former Death Eater ought not to be involved in.

A plan manifested itself in Minerva's mind. She would certainly like it if Severus owed her a favour… and she had this little idea how one could possibly _convince_ Lockhart not to try his seduction skills again…

She stood up just in time to see Lockhart make his final move and throw himself at the other wizard. Merlin, this time he did actually kiss Severus, full on the mouth and all. Pomona let out a small cry of mirth. Minerva grinned, too. She would relish this memory forever.

Minerva quickly straightened out her robes and took off her glasses.

"Here, hold these," she said, handing the spectacles to Pomona.

The two wizards in the back of the library were locked in close embrace, Lockhart frantically tearing at Severus's coat, Severus trying to push Lockhart away. Minerva heard a mixture of muffled swears and Lockhart's moaning.

"How do I look?" she asked Pomona while drawing in a deep breath.

"What?" Pomona replied distractedly. "Minerva, you always look good, what does that have to do with –"

She interrupted herself and started giggling again. Severus had succeeded in pushing Lockhart away, but the blond wizard held on to his coat. Both men panted heavily.

Minerva did not need to look at them to know that it was high time to do something if she were to prevent Severus from doing serious damage. The young wizard had in fact already grabbed Lockhart's collar and slammed the other man backwards against the next book-shelf.

"Careful, Severus…" Lockhart gasped. "Careful, just kiss me, you fool…"

Minerva went to the library door and opened it, then she shut it with a loud bang. None of the men heard her, though.

"What are you going to do?" Pomona inquired.

She still sat on the ground behind that book-shelf, but had drawn her wand in the meantime.

"Make sure that Severus owes me a favour," Minerva said. "You had a good point there… _two_ very good points, in fact."

Severus once more slammed Lockhart's head against the book-shelf with merciless deliberation. Alright, this was it. Time for the grand show. Minerva opened the top button of her robes and pulled several strands of her hair out of her tight bun. Pomona inhaled sharply.

"_You_ stay here," she hissed to Pomona. "And shut up, you hear me?"

Last she accioed some of the nauseating heart-shaped confetti from the floor and showered them over her robes. It was Valentine's Day, after all… seize the opportunity and make this as convincing as possible.

"Severus?" Minerva called sweetly. "Severus, are you there?"

She sauntered forward. The men had heard her this time and had broken apart, although they still stood close to each other.

Lockhart looked at Minerva with a stare that clearly said 'go away, you are interrupting something important.' His hair was dishevelled and he was out of breath, but apparently he still had not yet entirely given up.

Severus's face was flushed, and he stared at Lockhart with obvious contempt. Minerva pretended not to notice that the front of his coat was ripped open.

The esteemed Deputy Headmistress grinned maliciously. This would be fun.

"I knew I'd find you here," she said warmly. "Severus, Gilderoy, you have not quarrelled _again_, have you?"

Severus looked at Minerva, his eyes darting from her tousled hair to the pink confetti all over her robes. He was obviously doing some quick thinking – and yes, he was silently _begging_ for her help.

Lockhart straightened up.

"Not at all, Minerva," he said gallantly. "You have only interrupted a very _intense_ discussion about something I have wanted to question Severus about for a while."

"Oh, I am so sorry, Gilderoy," Minerva said pleasantly.

"So sorry, but I think tonight I cannot let you go on with academic discussions. It is Valentine's Day, after all. – Severus, you have not forgotten about our little rendezvous, have you?"


	4. Pomona Sprout

**Chapter Four – Pomona Sprout**

* * *

Pomona Sprout stood in the Entrance Hall of Hogwarts, glaring at the large pink flowers decorating the walls. Once more, she shook her head.

Pomona liked flowers. She loved them, Merlin's beard, she was the Herbology Professor. But these lurid pink _things_ were not flowers. They were childish, kitschy, tasteless ornaments that only passed for flowers because that was the shape they resembled most.

Of course, Lockhart had created them. If he had only asked for her help, she might actually have done him the favour. She could have created large, yet tasteful roses, and maybe a garland of clematis climbing up the railing of the stairs… or how about hyacinths? She had succeeded in growing some giant ones, in a very beautiful shade of pink at that, but Goldilocks had not even asked for her opinion.

Instead, he had acted as though he was a horticulture expert as well, and now they were stuck with huge, pink paper flowers that looked as though a dim-witted giant-child had cut them out of cardboard. Just to think, they were symmetrical… _everyone_ knew orchids were the only symmetrical flowers in the world, save the special fanged geraniums she had bred last summer, but Goldilocks would not know about these, would he?

"Pomona?" a crisp voice called.

Pomona turned around and saw the Deputy Headmistress return from her evening rounds.

"I am going to go upstairs to the library and return the _Journal_. Do you want to come along and check it out?"

Ah, yes, the _Old England Journal_. Minerva had mentioned a recent study about transfiguring plant seeds and then actually getting them to take root and grow a little, really a quite fascinating project. No one had succeeded in that before.

Just thinking about the possibilities with that new branch of magic made Pomona's head spin. One could prevent the dying-out of rare plant species, maybe even re-create some that had died out already. Imagine the gigantic, tree-like Lycopodiophyta from the Paleozoic Era in a Hogwarts greenhouse… Pomona definitely had to read about that study, but she did not quite feel like climbing up all the stairs to the library.

"Sure," she replied nevertheless, knowing that Minerva would never just give her the journal.

"You know, Minerva, you could just _give_ it to me and spare us both walking up the stairs. I am positive that for once, Irma would not mind if I read a paper that is checked out under your name…"

"_I _did not make the rules," Minerva replied, exactly as Pomona had expected.

Pomona grinned. Someone was in a bad mood after patrolling the hallways this evening…

"You know, you _did_ break two school rules last year… major ones, if I recall correctly," she continued to tease her friend.

"That was absolutely justified," Minerva retorted just when they entered the library.

But Pomona did not listen to her any more. She had spotted Goldilocks Lockhart back in the Restricted Section of the library, together with another man... a dark-clad wizard… Merlin, this could only be…

"Absolutely. Pomona, it was about _Quidditch_. Even Severus understood that. I talked to Dumbledore and he –"

Pomona unceremoniously grabbed Minerva's arm and pulled the tall witch with her, quickly hiding behind the nearest book-shelf. The Deputy Headmistress started protesting, but Pomona made her shut up.

"Look," she exclaimed, pointing to the two men trough a gap in the books arranged on the shelf.

Minerva had now also seen the two men and a smile spread on her face. This more than the hilarious scene in front of them made Pomona almost laugh out loud. She had to bite her hand – _hard!_ – to prevent an outburst of laughter.

"You are disgusting," Severus spat at Goldilocks.

"Let me show you what 'Magical Me' is all about…" the blond wizard purred in reply.

"So that is what this Valentine's Day was all about," Minerva commented dryly.

Lockhart made his move. He jumped at the other wizard, pushed Severus against the wall and moaned – Pomona had to bite her hand even harder – and then actually tried to kiss the Potions Master. Severus pushed him away in the very last second.

Pomona exchanged a look with Minerva and saw the other witch shake her head in disbelief.

"He tried to kiss him. I can't believe it, Goldilocks tried to kiss Severus…"

Minerva grinned, too – a very rare sight. Rarer even than seeing Severus involved with another being, which was not entirely unheard of. Pomona would always remember that Christmas five years ago when Sybill had had one sherry too much and Severus had had to be very quick to _not_ get entangled in her many shawls…

Actually, it was strange enough that Severus did not desperately get away from Lockhart. True, Goldilocks still blocked his way out of the Restricted Section, but Pomona had not expected gentlemanly polite behaviour from Severus in a situation like this. _She_ would already have hexed Goldilocks into the next millennium, or at least have vanished his golden hair.

"Why doesn't he get away, though?" she asked Minerva.

"Lockhart still is standing in his way… I suppose he does not want to touch him again."

"I _was_ under the impression that Severus is a wizard, and a very short-tempered one at that. Why doesn't he just blast Goldilocks away?"

Minerva shrugged and looked around; then she pointed to the nearest table.

"His wand… He's not carrying his wand."

"You mean he's helpless? Oooh, this is so funny," Pomona sniggered.

She looked at the two men again. Goldilocks had regained most of his self-composure, in fact Pomona had the definite feeling that he would not give up that easily. Judging by the look on Severus's face, this could get nasty.

"Think we should help him?" she asked. "Before he loses his temper and they really start fighting?"

"What, do you think Goldil-, I mean Lockhart, will try again?"

Pomona shot another look at the two wizards. Lockhart was already moving in again, muttering some nonsense about Severus's passion.

"Obviously, yes," she said. "Like, would you not try to kiss Severus if you ever had the chance?"

"Pomona! I would not dream of that, he's forty years younger than I am… and about thirty years younger than you are, by the way."

A-ha! She had hit a nerve. Pomona had always suspected that her friend privately agreed that Severus was, in a way, quite handsome.

"That's not the point. I just meant _hypothetically_, if there ever was an occasion. _I _would, but if you want to be boring again..."

Minerva watched the two men closely. Yes, Goldilocks would definitely try one more time. Pomona almost felt sorry for Severus, _almost_.

"What if we did help him?" Minerva whispered.

"Then Severus would owe us a favour, which is always a good thing," Pomona decided.

"But I wonder what we could do. If we just interrupt them, Goldilocks will just try again at another time, he'd never admit he was wrong. And then Severus would have his wand on him…"

Maybe they just ought to interrupt the two men, and then in a few days drop a remark that Severus was dating someone else. But who? It needed to be a likely story, if they wanted to convince Prince Horny Charming of the fact that Severus was not interested in men…

"Here, hold these," Minerva suddenly said, giving Pomona her glasses.

The tall witch had stood up and re-arranged her robes.

"How do I look?" she asked in the voice of a girl before her first date.

"What?"

Pomona did not quite listen to her, she was looking at the two wizards again. She could hardly believe her eyes. Goldilocks had grabbed the front of Severus's coat and pulled the other man closer to him. With surprising strength, he held Severus in his embrace and _actually kissed him_. Severus fought tooth and nail to get the other man away, but Goldilocks was surprisingly strong. No wonder, most likely the man kept to a strict diet and exercised every day.

"Minerva, you always look good, what does that have to do with –"

Severus had succeeded in freeing his face and held the other wizard at arm's length away. Then, with a cruel smile, he slammed Lockhart against the nearest book-shelf.

Ouch. Pomona knew that must have hurt.

"Careful, Severus…" Lockhart gasped. "Careful, just kiss me, you fool…"

The idiot. He just could not fathom that there were people in this world who were not in love with him.

The library door slammed shut behind Pomona. Minerva was acting as though she had just entered the room, but the two men did not notice her.

"What are you going to do?" Pomona wanted to know.

"Make sure that Severus owes me a favour," Minerva answered. "You had a good point there… _two_ very good points, in fact."

Then she unfastened the top button of her robes and tousled her hair a little. Pomona looked at her friend disbelievingly. Had the whole world gone crazy now? Minerva even took a handful of that awful confetti and arranged them on her plain black robes.

"_You_ stay here," she ordered. "And shut up, you hear me?"

Pomona nodded, temporarily lost for words.

"Severus? Severus, are you there?" Minerva crooned.

No, this was not Minerva any more. Minerva did not talk like that. Minerva did not walk like that, with slow, deliberate movements, swaying her hips and grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

The two wizards had finally noticed her. Goldilocks immediately tried to tidy his hair. Severus just stared at Minerva.

"I knew I'd find you here," she said softly. "Severus, Gilderoy, you have not quarrelled _again_, have you?"

Goldilocks turned to Minerva importantly. Pomona was not quite sure, but for a second she thought she had seen Severus mouth 'help me' to Minerva – but nay, that had to be her own mind playing tricks on her. Severus would never ask for help, especially not from a Gryffindor.

"Not at all, Minerva," Goldilocks declared. "You have only interrupted a very _intense_ discussion about something I have wanted to question Severus about for a while."

"Oh, I am so sorry, Gilderoy," Minerva replied.

"So sorry, but I think tonight I cannot let you go on with academic discussions. It is Valentine's Day, after all. – Severus, you have not forgotten about our little rendezvous, have you?"

Severus stared blankly at the Deputy Headmistress.

Minerva smiled, and warmly muttered something like "Honestly, dear…" before moving closer to him.

Then she put her right hand on Severus's shoulder, stood on tiptoes and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Still smiling, she brushed a strand of his hair out of his face.

"You won't take too long with your discussion, will you?" she asked timidly.

Pomona had to bite her hand again. This was precious. She had known that Minerva was a rather good actress – really, every good teacher needed that skill – but this was rich. Pomona felt more laughing tears on her face.

Severus had by now mastered command of his voice again. He put his left arm around Minerva's waist and pulled her closer.

"Of course not," he said. "As a matter of fact, I was just telling Lockhart here that I really needed to go now."

Lockhart gasped.

"I apologise I kept you waiting," Severus went on, in a warmer voice than Pomona had ever before heard of him. "You are not angry with me, are you?"

"Not at all," Minerva purred.

She looked at the younger man with trembling eyelashes, while Severus gently brushed some of the pink confetti out of her hair. They seemed totally oblivious of everything going on around them.

"You – are?" Goldilocks panted.

"Didn't you know?" Minerva chirped.

"No! No, I didn't know – "

Goldilocks actually blushed when he looked at Severus again. Severus replied with a disdainful stare.

"Obviously," he said.

Pomona suppressed another laugh.

"But you are the Heads of Gryffindor and Slytherin," Lockhart managed to say.

"So?" Minerva said, now turning around. Severus still had his arm around her waist and she snuggled against him.

"You know, there is no Hogwarts rule saying we have to hate each other just because we are the Heads of rivalling Houses."

"But you are so much older than him!"

"Ouch," Minerva said softly.

Severus tightened his grip around her waist.

"You apologise to the lady right this second!" he ordered Lockhart. "The age difference between us may be unusual, but you certainly cannot deny that Minerva is the most beautiful witch in Hogwarts."

Goldilocks stared at Minerva and muttered an apology. Pomona grinned again while her friend once more spun around in Severus's arms and beamed at him.

"That wasn't necessary, but so nice of you," she whispered. "You are always _such_ a gentleman."

"It's simply the truth," Severus replied, and for some reason Pomona knew that he was not acting.

Gilderoy Lockhart stared at the couple in front of him. Severus now kissed Minerva's forehead, then he gently let go of her.

"I'll just wait for you in my rooms, alright?" Minerva asked.

"See you in a minute," Severus answered.

Minerva smiled again and danced two steps away from the Potions Master, still holding his hand. Severus returned the smile and stretched his arm out, as though he wanted to maintain the physical contact as long as possible.

"I still don't believe this!" Goldilocks burst out.

Severus's hand fastened around Minerva's. With a quick movement, he pulled her back and caught her in his arms when she almost lost her balance.

"How could anyone not believe this?" he asked hoarsely.

He took Minerva's face between both of his hands and kissed her passionately.

She responded with equal fervour, and moaned softly when his hands trailed down her back. Pomona thought that Severus whispered something when he pulled the Deputy Headmistress closer, but she didn't quite catch the meaning. Not that it wasn't obvious. The couple swayed on the spot, apparently unconcerned if _anyone_ was watching them.

Goldilocks looked at the couple open-mouthed, but now obviously convinced that they indeed were lovers. Pomona was sure her own facial expression was just as stupid as Lockhart's. Personally she was not so sure any more if these two were acting at all. That passion looked real enough…

Then she heard a cough on her left and turned around. Filius Flitwick stood in the library door, _had_ apparently been standing there for a while already…


	5. Filius Flitwick

**Chapter Five - Filius Flitwick**

* * *

Filius Flitwick had had a long and tiring day. He was a good and nice teacher who actually liked students and would put up with quite an amount of fooling around – after all, he had also been young once, about one and a half centuries ago. But this Valentine's Day had been a little too much. He had never before given so many detentions in one day, some of them even to his own beloved Ravenclaw students.

At least the teachers had not, as that Lockhart had suggested, 'entered into the spirit of the occasion'. Even Trelawney and Vector, who both sometimes displayed girlishly romantic opinions, had refused to take part in the Valentine's Day festivities.

Now all Filius wanted to do was to see if that latest edition of _Charms & Jinxes Bi-Monthly_ had already been delivered to the library, and then he would go to bed and forget about the day's horrors.

Yawning, he opened the library door and stepped inside. Then he froze in his tracks. This _had_ to be a dream. Had he possibly already dozed off and was sleepwalking? But one did not dream during sleepwalking, right?

Filius pinched his arm – _ouch!_ – and decided to re-evaluate the situation.

Alright, one step at a time. He was an old man, he would take things slowly. Yes, he was in the library. He had pinched his arm and it had hurt, so he was neither sleepwalking nor dreaming.

That Lockhart chap stood at the other end of the library, in the Restricted Section. He did look familiar enough in his shocking pink robes, but his facial expression was out of the ordinary. For once, Lockhart did not smile overly self-confident, but he looked confused and irritated. _And_ his hair was a total mess.

Next, there was Severus standing close to Lockhart, and there were two unusual things about him. First, he did not glare at the Defence teacher with barely concealed annoyance – that alone was abnormal enough.

Secondly, he held a woman in his arms and actually smiled at her.

Filius blinked again. The witch stood with her back to him, but she looked extremely familiar. Actually he was certain that it was the Deputy Headmistress but… that just was not possible, was it?

"I apologise I kept you waiting," Severus said. "You are not angry with me, are you?"

"Not at all," Minerva replied warmly.

Severus smiled the smile of a Very Lucky Man and gently picked some of the omniscient heart-shaped confetti out of her hair.

"You – are?" Lockhart inquired breathlessly.

"Didn't you know?"

"No! No, I didn't know – "

Lockhart sounded just as surprised as Filius felt. Here he was, having thought that at least the other professors had decided not to join into the day's silliness, and the Heads of Gryffindor and Slytherin suddenly stood in the library, making out like teenagers.

"Obviously," Severus snarled.

Filius had no idea what this comment was all about, but the hostility at least sounded a bit Snape-ish again.

"But you are the Heads of Gryffindor and Slytherin," Lockhart stammered.

"So?" Minerva replied while she turned to look at Lockhart.

Severus hugged her from behind.

"You know, there is no Hogwarts rule saying we have to hate each other just because we are the Heads of rivalling Houses," she chided.

"But you are so much older than him!" the blond wizard cried out.

Filius was outraged – from his perspective, Minerva still was a fairly young woman. And this remark had been _extremely_ impolite.

"Ouch," Minerva said.

Severus looked equally outraged.

"You apologise to the lady right this second!" he bellowed. "The age difference between us may be unusual, but you certainly cannot deny that Minerva is the most beautiful witch in Hogwarts."

"Sorry…" Lockhart muttered, but his words were disregarded by the two others.

Minerva beamed at Severus again.

"That wasn't necessary, but so nice of you. You are always _such_ a gentleman."

The Head of Ravenclaw had not known that she could whisper like that, in such a silky, playful voice.

"It's simply the truth," Severus replied curtly. Then he smiled again and placed a light kiss on Minerva's forehead.

"I'll just wait for you in my rooms, alright?" Minerva said.

"See you in a minute."

Severus had slowly let go of Minerva and she went two steps away, smiling when he would not entirely release her arm. His hand trailed down to her wrist, then her hand, and the couple exchanged another one of those sickeningly sweet glances.

"I still don't believe this!" Lockhart spoke what Filius was thinking.

Severus caught Minerva's hand again just before she let go. He pulled her back so fast that she almost stumbled over the hem of her robes, but she only giggled and allowed Severus to catch her.

"How could anyone not believe this?" Severus said feverishly.

Then he kissed Minerva full on the mouth. She sighed and her arms flew around his neck. Both of them moaned with pleasure as their kiss grew more and more passionate. Severus had one hand on her back and one on her shoulders, almost lifting Minerva off her feet.

Filius was a gentleman. _He_ would not watch a couple in an intimate moment without announcing his presence. The old wizard raised his hand to his mouth and coughed audibly.

Neither Minerva nor Severus reacted. They held on to each other as though they would never let go again. Lockhart gaped at them.

"Filius!" a female voice whispered.

He turned to his right and saw Pomona Sprout sitting on the floor behind a book-shelf, waving him closer.

"Come on!" she said urgently, then she actually jumped up and pulled him into her hiding place.

"Pomona, what are you doing here, this is most impolite…"

"Ssshhhh! Keep your voice down!"

"But they have a right to know I have seen them, although I must say this is quite a surprise…"

"Keep your voice down, I said!" Pomona hissed. "This is not real!"

Not real? The whole situation appeared unreal enough, but Filius did not quite understand the Hufflepuff's meaning.

"This kiss. It's not real. They are acting so Goldilocks will believe Severus is straight."

"But we all know he is no Death Eater any more…"

"No, not straight as in _normal_. Straight as in _heterosexual_. Goldilocks tried to seduce him tonight, actually he more or less harassed Severus… it was quite funny really…"

Pomona sniggered. Filius, lost for words, looked through the book-shelf at the couple again. They had stopped kissing for a moment, but still stood in close embrace, their lips almost touching. Lockhart looked disgusted.

"This does not look much like acting," Filius whispered to the other Head of House.

"I know, I'm as surprised as you are. We just came in when Goldilocks tried to kiss Severus, well actually he did – " Pomona chuckled again, "and then Severus pushed Gilderoy away. If truth be told, they were on the verge of a serious brawl. So Minerva got in the middle of it and stopped them."

"Well, I am leaving!" Lockhart announced pompously.

"Good idea," Snape replied.

"Sleep well," Minerva purred. "I know I won't for a while…"

Severus laughed and kissed her again, this time spinning her around so that he pinned her against the wall. Minerva sighed audibly, put her hands on his back and pulled him even closer.

"She did _not_ just say that…" Pomona stammered.

Filius could not reply, his mouth was standing wide open. He had, of course, known that the Gryffindor possessed a wicked sense of humour, but that was overdoing things a bit.

Lockhart stormed to the library door and rushed out of the room. He was in such a hurry that he did not even notice Filius standing and Pomona sitting in their hiding place.

The Heads of Gryffindor and Slytherin did not stop kissing until Lockhart slammed the door shut.

"Think he's gone?" Minerva whispered.

"It appears so."

They instantly broke apart, both of them smiling nervously. Filius wanted to get out behind the book-shelf, but Pomona held his arm. Her fingers felt like the claws of a badger, really, he had often wondered how people could underestimate the Hufflepuff House animal.

"You can let go now," he whispered.

"Only if you stay put. I want to see the end of this," Pomona replied.

He nodded.

The other two Heads of Houses had by now resumed their normal facial expressions. Severus looked quite solemn, and Minerva serious as ever. She immediately started to re-arrange her hair into the familiar tight bun.

Severus looked at her for a long moment.

"Thank you," he then said gravely.

"You are welcome," she replied. "You know… that was quite a response."

_Now_ she blushed. Filius wondered if he had actually ever before seen Minerva with pink cheeks. Pomona giggled again.

"In for a knut, in for a galleon. I merely thought we ought to act the part as convincingly as possible," Severus stated. "Your generous assistance was more than welcome. I suppose you must have witnessed some of the previous events?"

"Enough of it. Most of all, I noticed that you had left your wand on the table, and I don't think Irma or Dumbledore would have appreciated if you had actually started a _physical_ fight here… this is no place for a mêlée."

"Of course, you are right. And who knows if the git would then have given up for good… he might just have taken this as another 'display of passion' or something of the like."

Pomona had gagged herself with her sleeve. Filius looked at her in surprise and raised his eyebrows questioningly. She waited for another moment, then she carefully removed the sleeve from her mouth and drew in a deep breath.

"Merlin, this is so funny," she whispered. "Have you noticed?"

"What?"

"No eye contact. They act all formal and avoid eye contact. They are _embarrassed_, both of them."

"Yes," Minerva agreed with Severus – while inspecting a book as though she had never seen one before. "He was quite… zealous. So I just thought I'd help you put this to an end."

Severus looked at her back for another thirty seconds, then he spoke up in his usual, cold voice.

"Alright, so what do you want?"

"What do I want?"

Minerva spun around and faced him. Her voice also sounded normal again.

"Like the Gryffindor Head of House would just do me a favour. What do you want in return?"

She smiled sweetly.

"It was not fair when you gave the Quidditch pitch to your team after Wood had booked it. Your Slytherins already have the better brooms. We need more training time."

"Not if our training time is to be cut short."

"Would you like me to go and tell Lockhart that you are madly in love with him?"

"One week."

"Two weeks. For the next two weeks, _all_ Slytherin training hours are cancelled and Gryffindor gets the pitch instead. From Monday on."

"Deal."

Minerva nodded happily.

"Excellent!"

"So if you'd excuse me now, I had intended to return several books…"

"So had I."

Severus collected his books from the table and returned them to their shelves. Minerva bent over the library catalogue and peered at the cards. Filius knew that she could hardly read without her spectacles.

The Head of Ravenclaw now really wanted to step out of their hiding place – they would be discovered any minute now – but Pomona again held him back. Well, badgers could be dangerous, so he stayed.

When Severus was done returning his books, he leaned against one of the tables and watched Minerva for a while.

"What?" she asked while sorting through the library catalogue.

"All it ever was about was the Quidditch, wasn't it?" he said mockingly, in the voice of a ham actor making the big melodramatic statement.

"Of course," she replied, smiling warmly. "What did you think?"

They exchanged another friendly glance.

Then, both of them turned quickly and looked away. For just one second, Filius wondered how it could have happened that suddenly the two sternest Hogwarts teachers appeared so very vulnerable and emotional.

Minerva held another index card close to her eyes.

"Minerva? Where are your glasses, anyway?"

"Oh, Pomona held them for me. Pomona, who might by now maybe consent to leave her hiding place…"

Pomona sighed and stood up. Filius followed her around the book-shelf. Thankfully, neither Minerva nor Severus commented on his presence, although Severus rolled his eyes in annoyance.

The Slytherin left first, quickly putting on his robes and saying a curt goodbye. Once Minerva had put on her glasses again, she was equally fast in returning her journal and then declaring that she would go to bed.

Filius had by now totally forgotten why he had come to the library in the first place, so he just waited until Pomona had checked the _Old England Journal_ out for herself and then they left together.

He accompanied the Hufflepuff Head – who still was giggling once in a while – to the stairs before saying goodnight. Those pink confetti again were all over the place. Hadn't Filch already started to clean them up?

The question to his musings presented itself when the Weasley twins appeared on the stairs, running in the direction of the Gryffindor Tower. They were followed by a storm-cloud of heart-shaped confetti and Filch's screams of rage.

Severus had apparently waited for the twins to appear on the scene. He stepped out behind a stature. The two fourth-years stopped dead.

"Weasley and Weasley again, what a surprise…" Severus whispered maliciously. "Let's see… out of bed in the middle of the night… performing magic in the corridors… messing up Mr Filch's work… I should say, fifty points from Gryffindor?"

"Professor!"

"For each one of you."

The boys looked outraged.

So did Minerva, who had also suddenly appeared on the scene.

"Professor Snape! Fifty points each, that is too much… They do deserve punishment, but this was not a serious break of the rules, just a little harmless charm."

"And a lot of extra work for Mr Filch. Professor McGonagall, you stay out of this."

"They are my students."

"And I caught them red-handed."

Fred and George looked at each other and grinned. Even if they had lost Gryffindor a hundred points, a Snape-McGonagall argument always was excellent entertainment.

"Fifteen points each should do. Also, they will go to their dormitory immediately, or I will personally put them in detention for the rest of the term. _And_ take more points."

Personally, Filius agreed with Minerva. Severus frequently got carried away when taking points from students, especially from Gryffindors. The Weasley twins were trouble-makers, but of the good-natured kind. Not like James Potter and that Sirius Black had been…

"If you say so," Severus replied icily.

"Boys – off to bed," Minerva ordered.

Fred and George sped off to their dormitory. Severus and Minerva glared at each other.

"Goodnight, Severus," Minerva said curtly.

He did not reply, but turned on the spot and strode off to his dungeons. Minerva also turned around and followed her students.

Filius watched Severus disappear down the hallway, black robes billowing behind him as usual.

"Seems that Valentine's Day is over and the world is back to normal, doesn't it?" Pomona said next to him. She sounded slightly disappointed.

"I should think so," he replied. "Goodnight, Pomona."

"Goodnight, Filius."

She marched off in the direction of her rooms, but then stopped again.

"Filius? They would sort of be a nice couple, wouldn't they?"

The Ravenclaw Head remembered that unusually emotional expression on the faces of his colleagues just before he and Pomona had left their hiding place.

"Maybe. Yes, actually I think they would – though Merlin help us if they ever really decide to team up against the rest of the world. Just think of poor Lockhart."

"Yes, you are right," Pomona grinned. "_Poor_ Goldilocks. Well, goodnight."

She turned around for good and hurried away. Filius yawned again and decided to go to bed. It had been a long day.

– **The End –**


End file.
